Radical Intervention
by Armitage374
Summary: This is what happens when you piss of a fan club by killing their favourite character...Old, but still kindof funny. Can also be found at The Unofficial International Jr Bourne Fan Club at http:www.jr-bourne.tk


Title: "Radical Intervention"  
  
Author: Katja Boysen  
  
Spoilers:"Tok'ra" & "Divide and Conquer", tiny ones for "Need" and "Hathor"  
  
Genre: Humour ? Denial anyway.  
  
Rating: Uh...PG13 (Just to be on the safe side)  
  
Disclaimers: Would like to own them (If I did, "Divide and Conquer" never would have happened), but unfortunately the characters and places of Star Gate - SG 1 belongs to those evil, evil Powers That Be at Gekko, Double Secret Productions and MGM (When I take over the Tau'rii, they shall feel my wrath. Whoopsie, looks like my alter ego is getting restless. Better go annoy the other Systemlords :)).  
  
Authors Notes:   
  
Ok, this one sort of just SCREAMED to get written, even though I don't   
  
like it much.  
  
And no, this is not a reply to my own challenge. I just  
  
got bored, so I discharged my brain for the day, let the hormones take over and started   
  
writing :).   
  
And it havn't been beta'ed either :)).  
  
My sincer apologies to anyone, who's names I stole out of a lack of inspiration.   
  
They are the following:  
  
Jewels, Jack Romminger, Gate Jumper and myself.   
  
Oh, thats right I just gave myself permission.  
  
And no: I normally don't behave like a demented teenager in real life :).  
  
Star Gate - SG1  
  
"Radical Intervention"  
  
By   
  
Katja Boysen  
  
------------------------  
  
Embarkation room, SGC.  
  
------------------------  
  
Sam cradled Martouf's body in her arms, the shock of what she had   
  
done not quit having catched up with her yet.  
  
Suddenly a voice boomed out from nowhere.  
  
"OK, Am I the only one that thinks this episode sucks or what ?"  
  
The statement were followed by a series of flashes as a group of   
  
approximately 30 people appeared out of nowhere.   
  
A darkhaired woman spoke up.  
  
"Well, Jewels, my friend, I do think you are right. And as the   
  
president of the Unofficial International JR Bourne Fan Club I think   
  
we should do something about it. Which is why we are here anyway."  
  
Jack grabbed for his gun simultaniusly with Te'alc and a couple of   
  
Tok'ra's pointing their Zats at the new arrivals.   
  
"Oh, com'on. Put those things away before someone else gets hurt."   
  
The darkhaired woman looked irritated as she pushed one of the Zats   
  
away and then moved over to kneel next to Sam.   
  
"Sam, honey, You have to let go." The woman's features grew soft as   
  
she tried to pry Martouf's body from Sams arms. After a little bit of   
  
struggle, Sam finally let go.  
  
"Ok, Jack, write in a sacophaques with the changes we disscussed   
  
earlier, the mysterious woman said, apparently to the cealing.   
  
O'Neill looked pusled.  
  
"I don't quit follow ?" He looked positively confused by now.  
  
"Colonel, Reality check ? I wasn't talking to you !" Her words were   
  
followed by a scraping sound as a large part of the usually massive   
  
concrete wall opened and let forth a sacophagous.  
  
"H...How did THAT get there ?" Daniel tried very hard NOT to look   
  
like a trout as the sarcophagous, which shouldn't be there in the   
  
first place, appeared.  
  
"Well, this IS the land of Denial." Another woman, who's voice   
  
suggested that she was the one called Jewels, said.   
  
"hey, could someone help me out here ? Our friend here is heavier   
  
than he looks and allthough I would enjoy rolling on the floor with   
  
him under other circumstances, now is NOT the time " A halfcroaked   
  
voice sounded as the darkhaired woman crumbled, trying to lift   
  
Martouf of the floor.   
  
A choir of "I'll help" and "I'll take him" "Here, let me help you, Kat" were heard as the rest of the group, which Jack now noticed were mostly woman, moved over and more than eagerly   
  
lifted Martouf from the one called Kat's hold.  
  
"What are you doing to Martouf ?" Sam started to sound dangerously   
  
angry. Seeing the love of her life, even if he were dead, being   
  
manhandled, wasn't something she enjoyed.  
  
"Sam, relax, we are just going to use a modified sarcophagous to   
  
resurrect him and remove the Ghoa'uld brainwash." Kat soothed.  
  
Anise raised her voice, sounding arrogant" We are the Tok'ra, we do   
  
not use the sar..." That was as far as she got as a lightning jumped   
  
out of the wall and hit her squarely in the chest.  
  
"Thanks, Jack. Never liked her anyway." Kat sighed.  
  
"Listen just who the heck are you guys ?" Hammond sounded puzled.  
  
"We're the Unofficial International JR Bourne Fan Club and we are   
  
here to correct a mistake made by The Powers That Be." Kat moved over   
  
to standby the sacophagous as Martouf was lowered into it.  
  
"Anyone know how we actually ACTIVATE this thing ?" Kat looked at the others.  
  
"Well if I remember "Need" and "Hathor" correctly, you need to press   
  
this thing." one of the others, with a huge nametag which said "Gate   
  
Jumper" said, pressing a red jewel on the cover of the sacophagous.   
  
The cover closed.  
  
"Ehhh...Kat are you sure this is going to work ? I really don't wanna   
  
get zat'ed. Being dead SO don't becomes me." A small, nervous voice   
  
said from the back of the group.  
  
"Easy, this is the land of Divide and Conquer Denial. Anything is   
  
possible. Besides, either way, this beats the alternative of going   
  
through SG-1 without our favorite snake head."   
  
The next 10 minutes ticked by in an anxious silence as the   
  
sarcophagous worked to heal the damage on Martouf's body and mind.  
  
Then the cover slowly opened and a dazed Martouf slowly sat up.  
  
"So how do we know, if he's brainwashed or not ?" Jewels asked.  
  
"Jack, send in the Clinton clone" Kat said out loud.  
  
The blast doors suddenly opened and in walked...Bill Clinton.  
  
"Martouf, allow me to introduce the President of the US, Mr. Bill   
  
Clinton."  
  
Martouf looked a little confused. "I am honoured".  
  
"See, what did I say, it worked. He didn't try to toast the pres.   
  
Jack get rid of the guy. This world have enough politicians." Kat had   
  
a look of triumph on her face.   
  
A small "plop" followed the disappearance of the false president.  
  
"Now, while we are here, why don't we have some fun ?"  
  
Lantesh silently asked his host to get the hell out of there. The   
  
look on some of those strangers faces as Kat mentioned fun,   
  
were..well unsetling.   
  
His worst fears were confirmed as a bunch of very hormonally charged   
  
fan club members charged him down the corridors of the SGC, closely   
  
followed by Kat, who screamed:   
  
"AS YOUR FAN CLUB PRESIDENT I DEMAND TO GET HIS BOXERS ! IF HE GOT ANY!"  
  
The End. 


End file.
